There is a collective call from the field of suicide research for studies on the individual dynamics of suicidality in order to understand the deadliness of the suicidal process. This study examines the deceased next of kin's ('survivor's) experience of the suicidal process in order to gain perspectives that can be used in the preventive care of suicidal patients. The aim of this study was to explore the suicide process through the suicide survivor's experience. The study is designed and conducted through a phenomenological, reflective lifeworld approach. Twelve in-depth interviews concerning lived experiences of a suicide were conducted. The suicide process is described as the emerging of an obscured transformation of self, and an aligning to this changing understanding of self that forms a unique suicidal death course. This death course contains the co-occurrence of life and death orientations. Survivors' collected knowledge of a suicidal trajectory helps us understand the life conditions of a suicidal person that has ended their life. Life orientation and experiences of self-governance are critical parts of a suicidal trajectory and can have great preventive potential for care and assessments during suicidality. The Consolidated Criteria for Reporting Qualitative Research (COREQ) were used for the reporting structure of this article.